when i am at home at night and i am in my bed reading or simply lying in it i fantasize about the things my friends are doing that i am not doing, the things they are not thinking of inviting me to, or forgetting to invite me to, the things i wont experience, active things that burn calories and create smiles and memories, and i get so upset, so frustrated and sad and paranoid that i am not included, do not have the wherewithal to be doing the undoubtedly cool things they are doing, or the wit and ingenuity to think of my own super cool things to do without them, so upset that i tire myself out and go to sleep.
right now i am reading and listening to my roommate play final fantasy 7 and thinking of what my current love interest is doing without me, why my phone is silent next to me, not blinking or vibrating. just sitting there blacker than darth vader, and more intimidating.
i think i will go on a run despite the cold and bluster outside.
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